“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
—Ephesians 4:32
WHAT IS FORGIVENESS? Is it a feeling? Is it just apologizing? Is it an emotional experience? Nowhere in Scripture do you find the phrase “feelings of forgiveness” or “having forgiving feelings towards another.” This is because forgiveness is not a feeling. If forgiveness was a feeling, we would never know whether we have truly been forgiven. Forgiveness, according to Scripture, is a promise. Notice when God forgives what He promises, “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins” (Isaiah 43:25). When God forgives His people, He promises to never hold their sins against them again, and He does so based on Christ’s atoning work.
OUR UNDERSTANDING of forgiveness must be modeled after God’s forgiveness if we are going to be Biblical. We need to forgive those who sin against us, and those who have sinned need to receive our forgiveness. This is a mark of a true Christian. Forgiveness is an important condition to fellowship with our Heavenly Father. It’s not optional. God commands forgiveness. Ephesians 4:32, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.” Colossians 3:13, “…bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.” Matthew 6:12, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”
FORGIVENESS IS not forgetting. As human beings, we cannot forget at will. Trying to not remember the offense is like trying not to yawn while people on either side yawn and stretch. The harder you try not to, the more you fail. Forgiveness is not merely something you say. If I say, “I forgive you,” and then I go around telling everyone what you have done and how offensive it was then it wasn’t forgiveness. True, biblical forgiveness has three components: internal, external, and a combination of the two. The internal part involves our attitude toward the offender. I must refuse to hate the one who has offended me, choosing instead to express love toward him or her (Matt. 5:43-45). This is the love that covers over a multitude of sins (1 Pet. 4:8). I must refuse to become bitter against my neighbor. A second part to forgiveness involves a promise both internal and external. True forgiveness means forgiving in the way that we have been forgiven (Col. 3:13), which is to say, self-sacrificially (Eph. 4:32), and without resentfulness or a keeping record of wrongs done to us (1 Cor. 13:5-7).
CHRISTIAN FORGIVENESS is a promise to never again bring the forgiven matter up to the offender (manipulation), to others (gossip), or to ourselves (resentment). The third part to Christian forgiveness is external. Christ calls us not merely to forgive in our hearts, but to seek complete reconciliation that leads to rebuilding the damaged relationship. That’s why Jesus calls us to confront and (lovingly) rebuke the one who offended us (Luke 17:3). Unless he knows of his sin, he cannot repent of it; and without repentance by the offender, there can be no true forgiveness before the Lord (Acts 2:38; 3:19). Christian forgiveness reunites what has been torn apart and rebuilds what has been torn down. That’s not easy, but it’s the resolution that honors God. Therefore, seek the strength and guidance of the Holy Spirit when striving to forgive others.
ONE OTHER THING. Forgiveness is not saying, “I forgive them in my heart without ever going to the offender.” In Matthew 18:15, Jesus said, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” There must be a face-to-face meeting so that the offender can confess his sin to the offended and ask for forgiveness. The offended individual also needs the face-to-face encounter to release the offender of their guilt of sin. No where in Scripture does it say, “forgive them in your heart and go your way without ever going to the offender.” That is a new philosophy in the Christian church that is contrary to Scripture and must be rejected. Also, according to Scripture, there can be no forgiveness without repentance. If there is no confession of sins, Matthew 18 demands taking one or two others and go and try to gain the offending brother once again. If he still stubbornly refuses to repent of his sins, the matter is to be referred to the officers of the church. The goal is the glory of God in repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration of the relationship.
FORGIVENESS CAN be called the oil that keeps the machinery of the family and church running smoothly. When you say “I forgive you” to another person you make a promise not to bring up his sin against him again, to him or to others. The sin is buried and you don’t dig up the bones to hit him over the head. Refusal to forgive is a decision for vengeance, but Romans 12:19 tells us, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” To take vengeance of any kind, even to withhold forgiveness when a person asks for forgiveness, is an attempt to play God. However, God expects His children, who have been forgiven an astronomical debt they can never pay, to forgive others, who, by comparison, owe you very little.
ARE YOU a forgiving person or one who seeks revenge? The seriousness of forgiveness is clear from the words of Jesus found in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Ask God to forgive you for not striving to forgive others, repent by forgiving others, and then go forward living the Christian life as one who is thankful to God that you are forgiven of all your sins through the person and work of Jesus Christ. Take time today to read and meditate on Matthew 18:21-35 since this is the paradigm that sets the stage for forgiveness in the Christian life.
Friday Devotional: January 9, 2026
In Christ,
Pastor S. Henry
